Change of Seasons

“The victim, Raymond Pankau, was described as a widower and a retired jazz musician who taught drum lessons.”

That is it. A life summed up in one sentence. No mention of the legacy he left behind, the numerous musicians who were given the gift of his guidance as they explored the musical landscape. Nothing about his ability to liven up a wedding, graduation or holiday party with his smile and quick wit.

We’ve all been asked at some point in our lives to write our epitaph. My experience was in a high school speech class on a Thursday when, only a few hours later, we would tragically lose three students in an automobile accident. I can’t even remember if we ever handed in the assignment, our teacher became a shell of the man he once had been, as if he was somehow responsible for the unfortunate events.

And so I wonder how my epitaph will read? Am I content with the life and experiences currently under my belt, or do I yearn for something greater? Nothing grabs you by the horns and gives you a good shake like losing someone in such a violent manner. Questions fill your head; nothing seems to have the same meaning as it did a day before. I have spent my life trying to be one person and now I realize that I don’t really like that person. When I started out in my career I proclaimed I wanted to become a Vice President before I turned thirty. And I did. There was something about verbally outing myself that seems to turn mere thoughts into reality. But now that I’ve achieved what I set out to do…it’s not as splendid as I had imagined.

So now I will “verbally” out myself again. I want to change. I want a different life. I want to help people and not care about whether an auto manufacturer sells another unit. I want to be a part of something I believe in and something that gives more than it takes.

Is that too much to ask?